The Stay at Home fight.

So as I mentioned before I use to have a pretty decent job. It was demanding at times but I was good at it and it reflected in my paychecks so it justified my long hours. When Madman came along I worked from home for almost a year. When I went back to an office, he went to a full time center. I LOVED that center btw. If you are in the Norfolk area I highly recommend Children’s Harbor in Ghent. Anyway life was good. Most of the mom’s around the ‘hood stayed home and always seemed so judgy judge that I went to work. They always dropped in little snide remarks like I am a full time mom or I refuse to pay someone to raise MY children. Needless to say I didn’t have the highest regard for stay at home moms. Then the Braxton pregnancy came along. That one was a little bit of a surprise as Marc was coming up on a training and deployment that would take him to the sandbox for almost a year. He would leave us being a family of three and return to a family of four. Anyway Braxton was born and maternity leave ended and I went back into the workforce. It was one of the most stressful thing ever. For one I was alone with no family around, my husband was in an area that would rather him not be there, I worked long hours which meant early morning and late nights for me, I refused to hire anyone to help me AND bc there is something seriously seriously wrong with me we had SEVEN dogs. Yup. Now I am OCD to an extreme. I can’t function in havoc. I need organization. I love lists. Clean makes me the happiest! Clearly, I am a freak. Anyway we had a routine and so I functioned but I was soooooooooo tired. It takes a toll both physically and emotionally. Well a short time after returning to work, I was let go. I had just been forced into the dreaded stay at home mom world. I was not ready. I had no idea what to do. I didn’t know this life and it terrified me. Thank God I had one person that was very nice to me. She had recently become stay at home herself and was able to help me fine budget friendly things to do with the kids. She introduced me into a great daycare center that are half days, very cost efficient and give my boys their much needed social interaction. At first I missed my 9ish to 5ish. It was a huge change for me. It took me a good 6 months or so to get settled in. I built a small network of moms that I had things in common with whose kids were around the same age as mine. It works and aside from some comings and goings we remain the same.
Being home has changed my perspective in so many ways. I never ever ever stop moving. While I don’t necessarily think it’s the hardest job I have ever had, I understand when other’s say it’s the hardest job they have ever had. Let me explain as best as I can. When I was in the workforce I had lunch breaks, client meetings, a door I could close and sit in silence behind. I could go to my car and either drive listening to the radio or listening to a book or turn it off- the choice was mine. While I have a great routine and live in order, I don’t have any time to be alone and sit. If my kids are sick said routines that still have to be done are done with a little person latched on to some part of my body. I have NO ME time, ever. I think THAT is what SAHM mean when they say it’s the hardest job ever. I never ever say I am a full time mom because I was a full time mom before but as offended as I was when people used that phrasing with me when I “worked”, I am equally as offended when a workforce moms says either, well I work for a living or I don’t have time to do THAT because I work. I also don’t like the question what DO you DO all day? I can normally handle these questions with a level head. Sometimes I am a total smart ass… Ok usually I am a total smart ass. Just because I don’t get paid in green doesn’t mean I don’t work and trust I have plenty going on where I don’t just nap. There is always something to do or some demando commando tugging at me needing an urgent matter resolved immediately. Don’t get me wrong I love my job but there is something truly wonderful about peeing with the door closed that you just don’t appreciated until you lose the privilege. So while I am very fortunate to be home I get just overwhelmed as before, only it’s different. If I get frustrated, I can’t walk away to cool off or vent because if I tried my little people would follow me but at the same time there is nothing that a hug from my babies won't fix.
It’s a constant topic on facebook and I thought I’d get my two cents in. Basically my overall feeling is both are very hard in very different ways it just depends how you chose to look at it.